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Forest vs. River (Design Map by Jackie Milton)
Categories: Joke
























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Rating: 8.50 in 2 ratings
Map Committee Rating: 0 in 0 ratings
Comments:
the-deadly-shadow (11/01/2015 01:05pm):
There is no fighting. I guess that's because it is turns into a stalemate
BountyFrog (11/01/2015 03:11pm):
I think fat would be a serious problem here... :/

You should probably fix that.
Xmo5 (11/01/2015 10:29pm):
You know, at first I was going to give this one to Forest for having the high ground and a big sword, but in
reality I believe River has the advantage here. I mean, first off, look at that firm defensive stance; he's not
going anywhere. Then, he has a shield, which is something Forest can't say. It's unclear what his weapon
is, but I don't see any reason why it matters too much when he has a shield. Let's not even get into his far
superior headgear and his missile for a nose, both of which also give him an edge.

I also have a theory that River will be virtually impervious to physical damage like Suigetsu from Naruto
Shippudden:

http://31.media.tumblr.com/036772abf2b8f8aff2ffb9f30a6ed360/tumblr_mrotefvady1saeupto1_500.gif
Bamboozle (11/02/2015 10:55pm):
I think we're forgetting that River is stabbing himself with his sword in an effort to preserve his honor after being
wounded and forced onto one knee. Clearly since Forest has the higher stance and has his blade confidently
raised in the air, we can assume that he's about to go for an execution-style decapitation. Now, back to River.
The blade is is clearly penetrating his body and his white-faced expression seems to imply that he's slowly
dying, only maintaining a facade and hoping his opponent Forest will chicken out before River dies an
honorable death from sudokku.
Xmo5 (11/03/2015 11:43am):
It would seem that way wouldn't it? Well that's exactly what River is hoping for, as
Forest confidently lunges forward, expecting a weak and dying opponent. In reality, it's
all an act to lure him into becoming overconfident and letting his guard down!

Besides, everybody knows that katanas are 2-handed swords, so no self-respecting samurai
would waste a hand holding a shield. Granted, seppuku is traditionally performed with a
tanto (or occasionally a wakizashi), but nobody goes into battle wielding one as their
primary weapon, with the exception of wakizashis apparently being the preferred weapon for
fighting indoors, due to the smaller size. Regardless, this battle is not indoors so
clearly River is not a samurai, and will not experience honorable death by seppuku.
BamboozleVI (11/04/2015 12:58am):
Maybe so. However, River has a clear wound that's gushing blood from his side. If that isn't caused by the
same blade which seems to be going directly into him, it must've been caused by Forest's impeccable
swordsmanship. Regardless, I doubt he could do much from that position on a knee. Being on two feet gives
you quicker reaction time and there are plenty of blind spots from where Forest can strike River as he's getting
up. Adding the fact that River's helmet only covers his scalp, exposing the majority of his head to damage, and
it's quite clear that River won't be winning this one.
Xmo5 (11/04/2015 09:31am):
What you're forgetting about here is his missile nose. That thing protrudes pretty far in
3 dimensions, though it's hard to see from this angle. He can easily use that to parry any
blows to his face, supplementing his helmet, which is arguably another weapon in and of
itself (look at that point!).

Also, he won't have any trouble exiting his shield stance if he has any proficiency with
SHFFL or similar techniques which allow him to go into his up smash virtually immediately
upon lowering his shield.[1] He has other options as well, but given Forest's position, I
think a solid up smash would be appropriate, provided of course that hitbox priority were
in his favor (though it may not be since normal aerial attacks can't usually
collide/cancel with ground attacks which may just mean that they both get hit, but it
depends on attack ranges etc.)[2] Moral of the story is that he certainly doesn't need to
leave an opening to get up and, instead, his firm stance will help him absorb any impact
and counter quickly.

[1] http://www.ssbwiki.com/shield#Options_from_the_shield
[2] http://www.ssbwiki.com/Priority
BountyFrog (11/04/2015 01:32pm):
Question... Why doesn't he just use the middle to blow forest up instead of blocking his sword?
Xmo5 (11/04/2015 08:49pm):
What, you think it's a real missile? Who would be so dumb as to put a *real* and *explosive*
missile on their own fa-BOOM Forest is dead!
Xmo5 (11/17/2015 01:34pm):
I'm sad this conversation ended, but I'm happy that I was able to cause Forest's untimely
demise. River had him from the start.
Bamboozle (11/21/2015 09:29pm):
Just you wait. That explosion ripping through Forest's body is just a flesh wound. Being a forest, he'll quickly
regrow and get on the offensive while River suffers from the effects of erosion. River might win the short-term
scenario, but over thousands of years Forest will reign supreme. gg
Nyvelion (07/19/2016 08:41am):
"I think fat would be a serious problem here... :/ "
Someone implied that to me once. Nearly developed an eating disorder because of it.
Thanks patriarchy. No it's fine, don't judge me for my accomplishments, I'm sure I'll get
used to people only caring about how much I weigh, along with how young I look and
how large my breasts are, why shouldn't those things be all that matter to people.
Last Edited on 07/19/2016 08:42am
Xmo5 (08/08/2016 10:14am):
You forgot about whether or not you have your hair blowing just so in the light breeze
you're perpetually facing.... cuz people come with that, right?
Nyvelion (08/08/2016 11:50am):
They don't say that, but now that you mention it, I'm sure they're thinking it.
Nyvelion (08/08/2016 12:43pm):
Also my hair is awesome looking in a light breeze. Those people who I'm sure are thinking
that it's not are WRONG.
Xmo5 (08/08/2016 01:46pm):
Well, you got me beat there. My hair looks average in a light breeze, and I can't imagine
anybody sees me in slow-mo with my hair lightly billowing in the breeze.
Nyvelion (08/10/2016 09:19am):
I just now realized he probably meant "fta". Never realized that's one letter swap from
"fat" until now.
Xmo5 (08/21/2016 04:15pm):
I like to think he didn't mean FTA. Fat sounds more intimidating when you consider that it
could be a flaw in your map design. I mean, how much fat must there be for such a thing to
occur? That's a scary thought.
Nyvelion (08/22/2016 09:02am):
They'll say fat is a flaw unless it's size 1... so I guess if a map has a width of more
than one, it's going to be rated low for being too fat by bullies who want to make their
own maps look better.
Xmo5 (08/24/2016 02:22pm):
Sad but true. The sadder part is that, at least the way I see it, there's as much pressure
from women for other women to be skinny as there is from men. Like a catty competition
type thing. "Ew, look at her, she's a whole freaking size 5. How disgusting."

While most guys I know definitely prefer attractive women, I would say that the vast
majority aren't going to say "Yeah, but you're a size 6, so I'm not interested." In fact,
many might consider a size 1 too skinny for their taste.

Not to say there isn't a good bit of ugly shaming out there, but I think that's horribly
rude, even when the girl (or guy) is still somewhat attractive. "Better an ugly face than
an ugly heart."
Nyvelion (08/25/2016 12:23pm):
I didn't think most men knew about that... but yes. Though for different reasons, both men
and women do that to women to make themselves feel better.
Xmo5 (08/28/2016 09:54am):
Indeed.


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