An AWBW Text Adventure: Episode 2.5 -- The City
Creator: BamboozleVI || First Published: 02/06/2018 || Players: 10 || Size: 30x30
Categories: Toy-Box
Rating: 0 in 0 ratings
For design map discussion or to get suggestions from other users, visit the AWBW Discord Chat!
Bamboozle (02/06/2018 05:33am | Edited: 02/08/2018 12:01am):
Welcome to the city. The city is big, brash, loud and does not make any sort of sense. It is weird,
unconventional and profane. It looks, acts, feels and seems completely eccentric. And it has that smell; a kind of
smelly smell, the smelly smell that smells... smelly. Most importantly, a party of travelers will have to
survive in the city without being murdered in some way, shape or form. That party of travelers, if the previous
text adventures have given any indication, will be you.

This is a text adventure that takes place in said city. If you'd like to play, type literally anything into the comments
and you'll be considered a sign-up. At its simplest, it plays like a generic text adventure, so it shouldn't be too


Plain -> Grassland/Otherwise Undeveloped Space
Forest -> Park/Woodland
Pipe -> Wall
Pipeseam -> Wall Gate
Broken Pipeseam -> Destroyed/Ruined Wall
Neutral Base -> Slums/Shantytown
Neutral City -> Developed City Block
Neutral Comtower -> Affluent City Block
Neutral Dock -> Harbor/Shipyard
Green Earth HQ -> Guard Tower/Small Fortress
Yellow Comet HQ -> Castle/Large Fortress
Jade Sun HQ -> Temple
Red Fire HQ -> Guild of Engineer's Headquarters
Amber Blaze HQ -> Jimboy's Crime Syndicate Headquarters
Grey Sky HQ -> Edboy's Crime Syndicate Headquarters

This city is divided into several districts, neighborhoods and subdivisions. For a newcomer they could be daunting to know and
learn, but they get the job done in terms of asking for directions. The borders of these districts often overlap, and they're usually
just used in general terms. They are,

West Hills
East Hills
Viridian Gardens
East Gardens
Temple Row
North Harbor
South Harbor
Slum Harbor
West Slums
East Slums
West Riverside
East Riverside

Most travelers will start at one of the five main bridges that span the river, working their way inwards to the city. The most common
place to start is the West Gate, the largest and widest thoroughfare for travelers. Be wary of pickpockets, robbers and other
criminals when passing by. [The rest of the page has apparently been torn off. Maybe you'll find the rest of it and piece it together.]
Bamboozle (02/06/2018 05:33am | Edited: 06/09/2018 08:14pm):
Player Statuses and Inventories:

Jackie Milton - PC INFANTRY
Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A common shirt, torn (e)
A pair of pants (e)
A pair of shoes (e)
A right-shoulder steel platemail pauldron (e)
A fine steel spear [CURSED]
A silver ring
A lockpick
A pair of weird cardboard glasses (
A makeshift head bandage (e)
A large and sweaty pair of cotton pants
A pair of steel greaves
A floppy pink felt hat
A pair of reinforced steel platemail greaves (e over sweaty pants)
A pair of common pants x2
A steel dirk
A steel longsword (e)
A torch, unlit
A pair of nunchaku formed from the eaten-out remains of BountyFrog's arm
A silver ring that is said to make the hand it is worn on do inexplicable things
A pair of extremely-foul smelling moccasins
A pair of pants that are so reflective they can be blinding at times (e under

Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A common shirt
A pair of pants
A pair of shoes (e)
A small purple cloth mouth-mask (e)
A dumb-looking vision-correcting visor ( (e)
A rusted iron shield in terrible condition
Two packs of rations
A gnarled wooden wand
A red spellbook (partially learned)
11 frog eggs
Two halves of a llarge blue glowing mushroom (wrapped in a few scraps of
frog skin)
A teal potion
A lil blue scaly guy who came from a strange lapiz-colored egg
A rapier adorned with strange runes
A pitchfork that always smells like flowers (e)
A black linen jacket (e)
A pair of black linen pants (e)
A steel dagger
A bloody note
4 gc

Just Look at My OPness - JS INFANTRY
Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A common shirt
A pair of pants (e)
A pair of shoes
A reinforced steel platemail cuirass, damaged (e)
A left-shoulder reinforced steel platemail pauldron (e)
A pair of reinforced steel platemail sabatons (e)
A pair of reinforced steel platemail gauntlets (e)
A leather pouch containing 17 gc
A luxuriously engraved flintlock pistol (loaded with silver bullet)
A pouch of flintlock powder (3/4 full)
A pouch of flintlock silver balls (5 bullets remaining)
A steel saber, unsheathed
A jazz album by Death titled "Compilation Number Five"
A Death-brand t-shirt (e)
A helmet-visor combo (
A carton of eggs (10/12 eggs remaining)
An empty glass flask
BountyFrog's severed right arm (e, draped across shoulders)
A bag of dragon jerky (1/2 left)
A pair of flamboyantly ugly glasses (

Headphone - GS INFANTRY
Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A pair of pants (e)
A pair of socks (e)
A pair of shoes (e)
A common shirt (e)
A really strange and honestly pretty shitty looking gun, loaded
A steel knife
A pouch containing 18gc

Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A pair of pants (e)
A pair of socks (e)
A pair of shoes (e)
A common shirt (e)
An empty money-pouch

Dreadnought - YC INFANTRY
Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
A common shirt (e)
Pants (e)
Shoes (e)
A pair of pointy glasses (
A reinforced wooden kiteshield
A composite bow and eight iron arrows
A lit silver crucible
A blank scroll
A scroll of XYZZY
A metal wand
A pink potion
A small note from Glundrifig to Mugurba
A fancy-looking exotic dagger handle
A strange black-metal sword, sheathed (e)
Thirty steel throwing knives
Twenty packages of dried fish
A potion of slipperiness
A steel tower shield
A pewter mug
A spyglass

Condition: Healthy
Hunger/Hydration: Sated/Hydrated
Clothes and shit
Bamboozle (02/06/2018 05:33am | Edited: 02/06/2018 06:13am):
Bamboozle (02/06/2018 05:34am | Edited: 02/06/2018 05:56am):
Jackie Milton (02/06/2018 08:07am):
literally anything
Headphone (02/06/2018 12:06pm):
Just Look at My OPness (02/06/2018 12:23pm):
literally anything into the comments
and you'll be considered a sign-up. At its simplest, it plays like a generic text adventure, so it shouldn't be too
LaLaLash (02/06/2018 04:20pm | Edited: 02/06/2018 04:21pm):
Man, that sure is a pretty map too. I really do like it :D Literally anything, tho
Xmo5 (02/06/2018 05:04pm):

Bamboozle (02/08/2018 12:18am | Edited: 02/08/2018 12:19am):
All Players:

You're not sure how you got here, but you find yourself among a bustling crowd on a large stone bridge
looking up towards an intimidating looking gate. The air is thick with dust, dirt and a hint of what smells like
feces. This has to be the entrance to some sort of city, judging from all the poorly-constructed shantytowns
that lie beyond the gate. Your head throbs. Some of you remember something about a dungeon; some of you
have no recollection of anything prior to this. In the distance, a skyline of fancifully tall buildings, including a
massive pink tower of some sort, can be seen rising above the already pretty tall slum-towns. This must be a
real big city. You'd best go in prepared.

The crowd is unlike anything you've ever seen before. Alongside the humans, diverse as they already are,
there are giant lizards wearing hats, large venus-flytrap-like beings walking on two legs, small gorilla-like
dudes dressed in silken robes and even weirder types of folks in the crowd. Maybe that's normal for this city,
but you feel unnerved. You look back up at the structures beyond the gate. There are signs written in what
seems like hundreds of languages and all sorts of exotic scripts and numerals; the architectural styles range
from familiar to utterly alien and everything in between.

You notice a small number of gate-guards watching those who enter and leave. Some of you are dressed in
rather strange choices of apparel; maybe it's best to put on a good first impression. Or maybe they'll be
impressed the way you are right now. Maybe they're not even guards. Best to find out firsthand.

(By the way, choose a color for the infantry that will be representing you on the map)
Headphone (02/08/2018 12:33am | Edited: 02/08/2018 01:12am):
(I choose to be GS)

Immediately after I dust myself off, I look for the friendliest looking, least busy,
passerby and ask if they can be my guide or know of a guide for the fun parts of the city.
Jackie Milton (02/08/2018 07:21am):
(Pink Cosmetology)

I equip the sweatiest pair of pants I have and investigate the smell of feces.
Just Look at My OPness (02/08/2018 11:19am | Edited: 02/08/2018 11:19am):
(Jade Buns)

I look around, run to the side of the bridge, and throw my burning stick off the edge.
I then walk towards the gate and keep all my weapons unequipped.
Xmo5 (02/08/2018 11:55am):
(Blue Moose)

Keeping my face mask and visor equipped, I unequip my shirt, casually hang it over my
shoulder, strut up to the most muscular looking guard and ask:

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
Bamboozle (02/09/2018 10:52pm | Edited: 02/09/2018 10:54pm):
Headphone: You approach someone you deem to be a decently normal, bored and friendly-enough person (compared to
the rest of the denizens of this bizarre place) and ask if they can help you around the city. The guy looks you up and
down for a few seconds, as if silently saying "you must be new here," then points past the gate, directly north. "The slums
are fun. If you can handle them." Then he points north-east. "Temple Row, if you're pious." Then he points farther to the
northwest. "Shorefront and downtown are nice enough, if you've got the coin. But if you're moving in here, stick to some
work first. Nothing's free in this town." A huge shadow suddenly covers the both of you, and you turn to see a giant slug-
like creature dragging a carriage behind it. "Well, my ride is here. If you'd excuse me," he nods to you before climbing in.
"And a word of advice. Make some connections. Crime runs the slums." The carriage clatters off into the distance.

Jackie Milton: You equip a large and sweaty pair of cotton pants. You head off in the direction of the scent of feces, your
sharp nose quickly tracing it to a peasant on the side of the bridge taking a not-so-discreet dump. He looks at you with a
blank expression, finishing his business, before beginning to walk off into the slums.

Just Look at My OPness: You look around. The crowd is shifting and changing, but the general demographics remain the
same. You move over to the side of the bridge and discard your burning stick into the waters below. It hits the surface
with a resounding plop. No one seemed to notice.
You walk towards the gate, stowing your weapons away. One would expect the guards to comment on the bloody and
dismembered arm around your shoulders, but instead they nod and motion you to go through the gate, into the slums.
A large and bustling central road goes north until it becomes lost in the horizon. Hundreds of smaller side roads split off
from it, branching into the slums.

Xmo5: You unequip your shirt, somehow pulling it over your mask and visor. Now bare-chested, you head over to one
particularly powerful-looking guard and ask him if he's heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise. He shakes his head.
You almost tell him it's not a story the Jedi would tell him, but he appears to be growing impatient, and motions for you to
either head through the gate or back across the bridge, leaving you to make a decision. You have the feeling he's a real
intellectually bland fellow.
You see the city slums up ahead past the gate. A large and bustling central road goes north until it becomes lost in the
horizon. Hundreds of smaller side roads split off from it, branching into the slums.

LaLaLash: You stand dumbly in the middle of the bridge, not making a move. You feel your hips get a little lighter, and are
shocked to discover your pouch containing 20 gold coins has been swiped.
The people around you begin to get annoyed at your continuous lack of movement. Maybe it's best to make a move
Jackie Milton (02/10/2018 12:40am):
Sheamus follows the shitter. To see if he knows anything. He looks like a guy who would know something,
but I can't be sure.
Headphone (02/10/2018 03:55am):
I notice LaLaLash standing there catatonic. I sling her over my shoulders and head to the
closest temple north seeking help. I believe she is demon possessed.
Dreadnought (02/11/2018 09:02pm | Edited: 02/11/2018 10:04pm):
So the adventure begins again? (I'll take YC)

Edit first action: I unequip my pointy glasses, crucible, bow, and dagger as I can't really recall why I have
them equipped. I walk up to closest passerby and ask them what they think of the Kantian theory of ethics.
Xmo5 (02/12/2018 03:40pm):
I stand there dazed for a moment, taken aback that someone could resist such a perfect
pickup line. I eventually shrug and make my way across the bridge towards the slums in
search of a black market network where I can get some use out of my more unique inventory
Bamboozle (02/14/2018 05:02am):
Jackie Milton: You decide to follow the peasant. He crosses the bridge into the slums and promptly disappears into a mess of similar people;
beggars, craftsmen, smallfolk, the like. You catch him again, his head poking out from the top of the crowd, before a large and robed reptilian
grabs him into a dark alley. The peasant screams, but in the cacophony of the street, nobody seems to notice. You see the alleyway, but
reconsider if you should follow him further.

Headphone: You stride over to, and manage to grab and carry, LaLaLash. You don't really get any looks, to your surprise, as you cross the
bridge and head north. After asking a passerby for directions to the nearest temple, you arrive at a tall and rather shambly-looking place,
where a grim-looking group of people in tattered robes congregate outside. You ask for help, stating you're carrying a demon inhabiting
someone's body. A few look at you with surprise and tell you that if that's really true, you'll need to drop the poor sod off in their care and
return later for a check-up. They are rather convinced by how LaLaLash isn't responding to anything that's happening at all. They also inform
you that there's a temple that specializes in exorcisms on Temple Row, but they may be overbooked anyways.

Dreadnought: You open your eyes and find yourself on the bridge. You were here all along, right? It certainly feels that way.
You unequip your pair of pointy glasses, lit silver crucible, composite bow and fancy-looking exotic dagger handle. You approach the fellow
closest to you, a tall and lanky individual with a long robe and hood that obscures their face. You ask them of their thoughts on the Kantian
theory of ethics. They stop, turning to you and lowering their hood. They completely lack a face. You stand perplexed as it seems to stare
into you despite not having eyes, before it readjusts its hood and disappears off to the north, heading into the slums. There was something
sinister about that... thing, but you can't seem to put your finger on it.

Xmo5: You shrug at the guard. The guard shrugs back at you with much more energy and vigor before you step past him and continue north,
keeping your eyes peeling for some sort of shady market venue to sell off some of your goods. After a few minutes of walking you see a little
passageway between two buildings where a bunch of suspicious-looking dudes are leaving and entering, carrying crates and bags in and
out. You make your way towards it before a hand collides with your chest, stopping you in your tracks.
"Hold up," a gruff-sounding voice says. You turn and notice it belongs to an equally gruff-looking man, probably the guard or bouncer for this
place. "Before you go in, you gotta prove yourself." He then extends his other hand out with his thumb outstretched. It appears to enter this
particularly shady-looking place, you have to beat this guy in a thumb war. Or you could probably just kill him, but you're unsure if that will be
easier or harder than the thumb war.

Just Look at My OPness: You stand still for a while. Thankfully, nobody decides to mess with you. A small cat crawls out of a building
somewhere and begins to rub on your leg affectionately.

Just Look at My OPness (02/14/2018 10:22am):
I pat the cat and then continue down the road towards the north.

(sorry about my mini absence, homework and exams n all that)
Xmo5 (02/14/2018 10:32am):
I crack my neck, crack my knuckles, puff out my chest, and extend my arm, thumb up,
looking forward to the epic thumb war that a life of gaming has prepared me for. As I do
so I say:

"You know, I could just kill you now, but I'll humor you and play your game. Besides, I'm
only here to sell a few interesting items and there's no sense making a scene. Speaking of
which... do you come here often?"
Dreadnought (02/14/2018 01:47pm):
Disappointed with the response from the stranger I make a bold claim "legalize Jugger for the global
league" and then I head for the slums
Jackie Milton (02/14/2018 02:33pm | Edited: 02/14/2018 02:34pm):
Sheamus shrugs off his attempt to question the shitter. After all, there will be more, he thinks. Besides, any
encounter with such a figure would go directly against his main rule: Never trust a lizard in a blanket. I stop to
observe the slums keeping an eye out for any shops.
LaLaLash (02/14/2018 07:49pm):
(I pick Amber Blaze)

Dazed, dizzy, and confused, I tap Headphone's shoulder and ask where we're going and if he knows what's going
on. I make no attempt to get down in the mean time.
Headphone (02/15/2018 12:50am):
"I'm going to leave you with these good people." I say as I leave. Then I start asking
around about any sort of community board that has odd jobs.
Bamboozle (02/17/2018 06:56am | Edited: 03/01/2018 06:58am):
Jackie Milton: You decide to leave whatever just happened be and instead devote your attention to the surrounding slums. An
immense ecosystem of buildings, walkways and streets are haphazardly arranged everywhere, making it difficult to track your steps.
You do see a row of tucked-away shops on the corner of a block. One of them appears to be a general goods store; one of them
looks like an apparel store; and one of them seems to be a restaurant. Honestly, you can't tell what seems to be a front for a shady
criminal organization and what's a legitimate business.

Headphone: You leave LaLaLash with the crowd of monks and walk away down the street. You inquire to a passing peddler where
any local notice boards could be. He advises you to check the local taverns, naming the closest one, a bustling little place known as
the Smelly Ass. All sorts of folk are coming and going through its doors. You stride up to the notice board posted outside and smell
the scent of home-cooked food, cheap liquor and the metallic tang of freshly-spilt blood. The notice board has lots and lots of papers
posted; one of the more recent ones is about hunting a monster that seems to be dwelling around this block ("see the proprietor of
the Smelly Ass for more information", it says). Another job regards delivering a package from the Smelly Ass to a merchant at the
South Harbor, wherever that is. Yet another job, posted by a storeowner near the Smelly Ass, calls for a reward for anyone who
beats away the local thugs, who apparently wear grey clothes and are under the leadership of a certain "Edboy". You ponder for a
moment on which job interests you the most.

Dreadnought: You yell into the masses for the legalization of Jugger in the Global League, which also elicits little response, before
walking down the main street into the slums. You barely get anywhere before a fight between strangers suddenly erupts before you.
Two groups of people have apparently blockaded a side street, one group donning grey clothing, the other donning orange clothing.
They seem locked in a stalemate, blocking the road off. You wonder if you should help one of the sides out, or at least ask what's
going on. You also notice there are plenty of other side streets around to explore.

Xmo5: You prepare yourself for the thumb war that is quickly approaching, trash-talking the bouncer a bit beforehand. You ask him if
he comes here often; his incredulous response is that he comes here very often, given that he works here. You quickly lock hands
and engage in a thumb war the likes of which have never before been seen. The sheer power of your thumbs causes smoke and
embers to erupt from your hands, posing a fire risk to the slum. At the end of it, somehow, you emerge victorious and the bouncer's
thumb is severed from his hand. He clutches the bleeding stump in disbelief before scurrying away, defeated.
You've unlocked access to this black market. You stride in smugly, looking at all the stalls and shops. One looks like it's selling fresh
human organs, one appears to be buying and selling cakes, and there's even a few alchemical stores, spouting fumes that smell like
cat piss. It seems like whatever you wish to sell has a store that'll take it off your hands somewhere around here. As for buying, if
you look around hard enough for a specific subject, you're confident you can find something that suits your needs.

Just Look at My OPness: You pat the cat. The cat purrs in contented bliss before walking away and getting hit by a nearby carriage.
You shrug and make your way north, eventually arriving next to a building with a large and unfortunately detailed sign of an ass, with
bold lettering above it proclaiming "The Smelly Ass". It appears to be a tavern. You see a notice board next to it with many odd-jobs
posted on it. The inside seems weirdly inviting and warm; maybe it's a good place for a drink and some information, or a fight. You
wonder if you should enter it; this looks like a tough place for tough tavern-dwelling slum folk.

LaLaLash: You tap Headphone's shoulder in an attempt to glean some information about the hell is going on, but he just sets you
down and walks off. You turn around, looking at a group of scraggly men and woman in tattered robes. One of them leers at you in
interest."You're awake. Has the demon said anything to you? Do you remember anything it forced you to do?" You're unsure what
they mean. Maybe Headphone is behind all of this.
Just Look at My OPness (02/17/2018 11:42am):
I take a gander at the notice board.
Dreadnought (02/17/2018 03:44pm):
I equip my black-metal sword, casually stroll up to the groups and make and inquiry as to what's going on
and ask to pass.
Jackie Milton (02/17/2018 05:11pm):
Appearal shop, eh? *enters*
Headphone (02/18/2018 04:19am):
I'll look into the delivery job. I want to know what I'm taking and how well armed I
should be.
Xmo5 (02/18/2018 01:57pm):
I look for the nearest shop that might be interested in compensating me nicely for a strange, lapiz-colored
large egg, make my way over to it and ask for their best offer, being wary of anyone ready to jump or
pickpocket me.
Bamboozle (02/20/2018 06:58am | Edited: 03/01/2018 06:56am):
Jackie Milton: You walk into the apparel store. The shop is a weathered building that looks like it's been through at least ten natural
disasters. The shopkeeper is a thin woman who nods as you walk past her. Looking around you, you see several racks that carry
mostly mundane-looking clothes, definitely secondhand. You turn and see a small table with a bunch of relatively cool-looking goods,
though, including an engraved cuirass, a cloak that glows with a deep red light, a pair of boots with little wings on them, and a big
steel pauldron that looks very oversized. There's also a ring with a chipped ruby set into it and a necklace that has something in a
language you can't understand engraved into it.

Headphone: You decide to look into the delivery job, entering the Smelly Ass to look for whoever posted it. It says to look for the
"shiny cyclops". You find him easily enough; he has golden skin and one eye. He hands you a sealed letter and tells you to deliver it
to Captain Golgi at the Company Offices in South Harbor, and says while the passage through the city should be fine (provided you
don't stir the ire of any slum gangs), there are some harbor ruffians and sailors that you should try to avoid. All of them, really. The
merchants don't really like each other and tend to mess with each other's businesses to the point where a bunch of sailors beating
you up and stealing the letter may be a possibility if you're not careful. For this, he suggests, anything that can incapacitate would be
necessary. To kill, even better. He presents you with a really strange and honestly pretty shitty looking gun
( that fires all of its bullets at once out of like 20 small barrels. He suggests to use it well and hands
you the letter, saying that South Harbor is approximately northeast from here and to bother a local about directions if you get lost.

Dreadnought: You equip your strange black-metal sword and stride up to the two fighting groups. You ask them, while they bloody
each other with haphazard punches and really badly-done kicks, what they're doing and if you can pass. They stop, glaring at you,
apparently not moving until the fight is over. One of the dudes in orange courteously asks you to help their side. One of the guys in
grey commands you to help his side in a rather threatening manner. Maybe it's best to turn around and find another way; both
groups are waiting for you to make a move.

Xmo5: You take a gander around the shops and see someone who is buying curiosities. You present your strange lapiz-colored
large egg to them and they take it and begin smelling it. They nod in approval and offer you 50gc. You don't know how much that is,
but it seems fair enough for an egg you have little use for. Another seller notices this and offers you 75gc. The original seller offers
you 80gc and streed cred. The other dude yells at the first dude in a weird language that consists of clicking
and they begin slapping each other. In the commotion the egg drops from the table and cracks, and a small scaly blue thing
emerges from the shell and crawls up your leg, apparently seeking a safe spot to hide. The buyers are still slapping each other. The
small blue thing crawls up your chest and onto your face. It must think you're its mother or something. The buyers storm off into the
distance for some reason, leaving their stalls unattended.

Just Look at My OPness: You look at the board. The notice board has lots and lots of papers posted; one of the more recent ones is
about hunting a monster that seems to be dwelling around this block ("see the proprietor of the Smelly Ass for more information", it
says). And another job, posted by a storeowner near the Smelly Ass, calls for a reward for anyone who beats away the local thugs,
who apparently wear grey clothes and are under the leadership of a certain "Edboy". You ponder for a
moment on which job interests you the most.

Xmo5 (02/20/2018 12:00pm):
I exchange niceties with the small, scaly blue thing and try to determine what kind of
creature it is and what abilities it may have. I also offer it a couple of my frog eggs in
case it's hungry.

Then, in an effort to support myself along with my new dependent, I move along to a
weapons shop and offer to sell my iron nunchaku. I could steal from their stalls, but I
want to keep a low profile for the time being and the last thing I need is a reputation
that could make me a target.
Jackie Milton (02/20/2018 12:37pm):
"Howdy shopkeep! What sorta trinkets can I get for 15 gold doubloons?
Dreadnought (02/20/2018 12:45pm):
Appreciating the courtesy of the orange clad side (and hoping they could help me in the future), I decide to
help them out. Seeing as neither group is using lethal force, I sheath my sword and begin attacking the
grey clad group with hopefully more focused punches and effective kicks than the groups were using
Just Look at My OPness (02/20/2018 01:29pm):
I decide to go inside and speak with the proprieter about the monster that needs hunting.
Bamboozle (02/22/2018 06:19am | Edited: 03/01/2018 06:55am):
Jackie Milton: You ponder what you can buy for 15gc. She begins pointing to a variety of items around the shop, including, but not
limited to:
a gold bracelet that seems very hot to the touch - 5 gc
a pair of extremely-foul smelling moccasins - 1 gc
an old-looking silver crown - 12 gc
a pair of boots with little wings on them - 15 gc
a lizard-skin shirt - 4 gc
a pair of pants that are so reflective they can be blinding at times - 7 gc
a pair of very, very sticky gloves - 4 gc
a silver ring that is said to make the hand it is worn on do inexplicable things - 9 gc

Dreadnought: You nod to the fellow in orange and step over to his side. The dudes in grey growl as you sheathe your sword and
raise your firsts before a melee breaks out. Everyone is kicking, slapping, punching and generally mauling each other. You swing a
good hook towards a grey-clad guy that connects with his jaw and sends him down cold, as well as a kick that sends another one
flying. In a matter of moments the fight is decided and the grey guys fall back, defeated. Your friends in orange are impressed,
saying they'll spread the word that you're not to be picked on by them, as well as an invitation to join their cause for a little more
warfare against their rivals.

Xmo5: You say hello to the little blue thing, seeing it in detail for the first time. It resembles an axolotl and has a red tongue and
very sharp fangs. It nuzzles against you and briefly glows blue. It must be special in some way. You hand it a frog egg and it eats
the whole thing in one bite with a burp.
You continue moving along, finding a shop that sells instruments of death and destruction. At least it appears that way, judging
from all the crazy, mall-ninja type items they have hanging everywhere on display. You make an offer to sell your iron nunchaku.
The proprietor examines it with an air of curiosity before offering you no more than 10gc, or a trade. He does have an interesting
array of weapons available.

Just Look at My OPness: You head inside, going straight to whoever's at the bar of the Smelly Ass. It's hot, humid and stuffy in
here, much like an actual smelly ass, but the sound of music and the ever-present scent of liquor console you. The old guy at the
counter informs you that the monster is a hulking, shadowy beast that has been repeatedly stalking and eating people around the
block. It has long, sharp claws and a monstrous, muscular frame that can easily rip even the largest of men apart, as well as
having sneaking and pouncing skills. But, he says, according to an eyewitness, it recoils from silver, which seems to hurt it; maybe
a silver weapon, or silver armor, could defeat the thing. It was last seen heading down into the sewers of the slums; a manhole is
located on every block, and one is conveniently located outside.
Jackie Milton (02/22/2018 09:42am):
Sheamus systematically contemplates each of the items.
Hot bracelet. Seems only to be useful in the case of very cold wrists. I'll take my chances.
Moccasins. Yuck! what vile clothing, the sheer stench is distracting. But I could get used to it...
Silver crown. I don't need any fancy head gear to know that I am king.
Winged boots. Are these alive? Seems fucked up to wear a living creature on my feet.
Lizard Skin. Considering the local population, I probably shouldn't be wearing the flesh of a people...
Pants. Duh
Sticky Gloves. As if King Midas lost a bet.
Silver ring. Hmm a useful ring, eh?

"Shopkeep," I say, " I offer to barter. I will take the Moccasins, pants and ring in exchange for this silver ring and 11 gold pieces."

Xmo5 (02/22/2018 11:00am):
I ask the weapon shop owner to appraise my spear as well, and to let me know the prices of
any items he has for sale that are of equal or lesser value than the combined value of the
two weapons I've shown him. I feed my little guy another frog egg in the meantime and say
"You resemble an axolotl. I think I'll call you Axe."
Dreadnought (02/23/2018 01:46pm):
I inform the group that I am new to this area and I ask them who they are and what their cause is as well
as ask who their rivals are.
Headphone (02/23/2018 06:21pm):
I'll buy a knife to defend myself before setting out to make the
Just Look at My OPness (02/24/2018 12:04pm | Edited: 02/24/2018 12:04pm):
I declare my intention to slay this beast and inquire about where
I could purchase silver items, as well as the reward for killing the
Bamboozle (02/25/2018 07:19am | Edited: 03/01/2018 06:54am):
Jackie Milton: The shopkeeper considers your offer for a bit, taking a glance at the ring. With a cursory nod, your offer is accepted,
and you part with the ring and 11gc in exchange for a pair of extremely-foul smelling moccasins, a pair of pants that are so reflective
they can be blinding at times, and a silver ring that is said to make the hand it is worn on do inexplicable things. Content with your
purchase, you happen to look outside the window and see a street brawl going on. But maybe there's more shopping to be done.

Xmo5: The shopkeeper appraises your iron spear, and, together with the nunchaku, gives you a total offer of 16c. A number of
weapons he has that are equivalent to or under that price include:
a steel glaive - 9 gc
a very shiny steel cutlass - 7 gc
a rapier adorned with strange runes - 13 gc
an iron dagger that is coated in literal shit - 1 gc
a crossbow - 6 gc
a quiver of 10 crossbow bolts - 3gc
a steel trident that has built-in pocket sand - 5 gc
a pitchfork that always smells like flowers - 3 gc
a pair of comically large but also very sharp shuriken - 4 gc

Dreadnought: You tell your newfound battle buddies that you're new to the city, and also ask who they are and what their motivations
are, as well as information on their rivals. They announce that they are members of the organization known as Jimboy's crime
syndicate, and they've been launching attacks on the West Slums, the territory of their rival gang. They explain that this half of the
city's slums is where Edboy's crime syndicate prowls, and that they've been fighting tooth and nail for control of every block. It
appears to be a matter of Jimboy orange gangsters vs. Edboy grey gangsters. They say that if you ever want to help their cause
more, you can join up at the East Slums. They also warn that you might want to be careful around these parts, now that you've
helped beat up the local gang, but the more you harm one side, the better your relationship with the other side will be. Lastly, they
say, if you don't want to get involved in a criminal career in some form or another, go north out of the slums into the city proper.

Headphone: You peruse the local shops and buy a sturdy-looking steel knife for 2gc. Tucking it away, you begin to make the
delivery. First, you'll need to get out of these slums. He said to go roughly northeast, although a straight line there would involve
going into the densest part of the slums before reaching South Harbor. You travel the packed streets, surrounded by strange and
exotic people and places, and make it a few blocks towards your destination, which is still very, very far, when some random
raggedy-looking figure stumbles into you. "Hey man," he says quickly, "got any of the good stuff? I need it." You see his fingers
curling and uncurling around what appears to be a knife tucked into his pants. Maybe this guy
knows a good way to South Harbor. Maybe this guy is batshit crazy. You contemplate what to say.

Just Look at My OPness: You stand up on top of a table and heroically declare that you'll kill the beast. Nobody seems to pay much
attention, but it's good to get it out there. You ask the proprietor where to purchase silver weaponry. He answers that, conveniently, a
weapons shop specialized in such items is just down the street, and even points to it, fearing that you may be too dumb to
remember its location. Before you go, you ask about the reward. He answers that, if you kill the beast and bring its head back as
evidence, you'll be rewarded with 500gc, which sounds like a lot of the stuff. If you're unable to get the head, your reward might be
much, much lower, if not nonexistent. You turn and look at the silver-item-shop real quick. They have all sorts of things just hanging
on display; silver spears, silver battleaxes, silver swords, silver arrows, silver sunglasses, silver mittens, silver teeth, silver teddy
bears... huh, that's a weird amount of silver things. Maybe you'll find exactly what you want there.
Just Look at My OPness (02/25/2018 11:53pm):
I head on over to the silver-item-shop to mull over the prices.
Xmo5 (02/26/2018 12:14pm):
My eye for good taste gets the better of me and I exchange my two weapons for the rapier
adorned with strange runes and the pitchfork that always smells like flowers, leaving me
with an even trade and no cash left over.

After making the exchange, I examine the runes on the rapier to see if I can make any
sense of them, referencing my spell book as necessary.

I then, still in need of some cash, split my mushroom in half, concealing one half to
retain for a later use, while marketing the other half for its unique psychoactive
properties and alluring bioluminescent glow.
Dreadnought (02/26/2018 01:31pm):
I thank the group for the advice, tell them good luck and then look around for some shops to buy and sell
some merchandise.
Jackie Milton (02/27/2018 08:35pm | Edited: 02/28/2018 08:48am):
Sheamus puts on the ring just long enough to see what it might do and then take it back off. Noticing the
street brawl, he sees potential to [advance the plot]. Instead of approaching with violent intentions,
Sheamus attempts to diffuse the situation with my newfound pants of reason. Stretching them over his
legs as quickly as possible, he bursts out the shop directing light to the brawlers.
Xmo5 (02/27/2018 08:55pm):
"Stretching them over my legs as quickly as possible, he bursts out of the shop directing light to the
brawlers." .... So... he stretched the pants over your legs? You need to get your point of view straight or it's
going to come back to bite him someday.
Jackie Milton (02/28/2018 08:48am | Edited: 02/28/2018 08:48am):
lol whoops. I thought I went back and fixed all my pronouns...
Xmo5 (02/28/2018 10:28am):
Bamboozle (03/01/2018 06:52am | Edited: 03/01/2018 06:53am):
Jackie Milton: You equip the ring. It fits snugly on your finger, and for a few moments, you don't feel anything strange. Suddenly
your hand moves of its own accord and violently punches the air in a very professional manner, akin to a trained boxer's hook. You
manage to take the ring off before anything else happens. You head outside and try to settle the street brawl using your freshly-
equipped potentially-blinding pants. The moment you step out the door and onto the street your vision is clouded in a white beam of
terrifying magnitude as your pants seemingly redirect light from all over the place outwards. You begin to hear the screams and
wails of passersby, some of whom have gone unconscious from the horrifying and sudden surge of light and heat. The brawl itself is
quickly broken up as both sides flee, fearing for their lives. Those who don't flee sustain minor burns from the beam of light shining
at them before either going temporarily blind or screaming themselves to an incapacitated state. Chaos reigns around you. You feel
like this might attract the attention of the local law enforcement, if there even is any around here.

Xmo5: You successfully go through with the weapon swap. You consult your red spellbook for any sign of what these strange runes
might mean. According to one page, one of the symbols translates to "smile". Another symbol translates to "dance". You can't seem
to decipher the rest.
You split your large blue glowing mushroom into two halves and begin marketing one half for sale. A ragged-looking cretin
approaches you and examines the mushroom. He requests a small taste, citing himself as a mushroom enthusiast, to verify if it is
really what you're hyping it up to be. You wonder whether to give this guy a sample or not.

Dreadnought: You thank this group of random thugs and wish them good luck before heading back onto the streets in search of a
shop. You somehow make it onto a bazaar tucked away in a densely-built slum block and begin to look at one stall. It offers:
a longsword of reptile-slaying - 25gc
a shoddy-looking iron mace - 6gc
a potion of slipperiness - 15gc
a steel tower shield - 31gc
a pewter mug - 3gc
a pound of funky-smelling soap - 10gc
a spyglass - 12gc
a torch - 4gc
an iron breastplate that has several bullet holes in it - 7gc
You notice they are also buying certain items. Perhaps you can make an exchange.

Just Look at My OPness: You take a gander at the silver-weapon-shop's inventory. It's too big to really list, but some of the items
you immediately see include:
a yew longbow with a quiver of 15 silver arrows - 30gc
a worn silver broadsword - 29gc
a mastercraft silver longsword - 64gc
a really worn silver mace - 13gc
a silver-tipped spear - 18gc
a pair of steel silver-edged tomahawks - 28gc, or 14gc seperately
a vial of holy water - 10gc
a pair of solid silver boxing gloves - 52gc
a flintlock pistol with six silver bullets - 20gc
You notice they are also buying certain items. Perhaps you can make an exchange.

Xmo5 (03/01/2018 03:01pm):
I tell the cretin that this is a very rare mushroom indeed, harvested from a dungeon far
from here. I'm willing to sell for 15 gc, but he can have a small taste with a deposit of
4 gc that would count toward the final price, should he decide to buy.
Jackie Milton (03/02/2018 09:53am):
I seem to have underestimated the power of my pants. I pull of to the side and exchange my change my
pants to this order of layers: Shiny pants. common pants. No greaves or sweaties. I also remove my
floppy hat and glasses so maybe people don't recognize me when I stumble back into the street.
Dreadnought (03/02/2018 01:15pm):
I see what they offer for 20 steel throwing knives, 10 packs of dried fish, the pair of glasses, the fancy
looking exotic dagger handle, and the reinforced wooden kite shield.
Just Look at My OPness (03/02/2018 02:56pm):
I ask to purchase the silver bullets and powder without the
flintlock, exchanging my lead bullets and paying for the rest in
Bamboozle (03/08/2018 06:42am | Edited: 03/08/2018 06:43am):
Xmo5: You manage to persuade the cretin to pay a deposit for sampling the mushroom, gaining 4gc. You break off a small bit of it and
hand it over to him. He takes it and sniffs it, as if appraising its aroma, before popping it into his mouth. He bites, chews and swallows in
a relatively normal manner. He stands still for a moment, a blank look on his face, before his skin begins to take on a purplish tint and
starts to sweat abnormally. He looks up at you, opening his mouth to talk, but only gasps as no words come out. His eyes suddenly roll
up in his skull before coming back down a blue color. His limbs move erratically, as if a parasite was controlling him. He -- or whatever
he has become -- bows to you before walking away, still transforming into some sort of monstrosity. Well, at least you tested it out on
him before yourself.

Jackie Milton: You quickly find a place to change, organizing your apparel so that your common pants are layered above your blinding
pants. You also unequip your felt hat and cardboard glasses before walking back onto the street. However, the damage, limited as it
may have been, has not reversed. A small fire has broken out in one slum building, probably from the power of the beams given off by
your pants, and is quickly spreading across the block. Screams of anguish and terror surround you as folk jostle and move quickly to
get out of here. One official-looking woman stops you, a notepad in her hand.
"We are investigating a potential case of arson here. Occurred very recently. Do you have any information on the suspect?"

Dreadnought: You offer a large bundle of items to see what they would exchange for it. The shopkeeper mulls them over before
agreeing on their combined worth to be 55gc, which can be exchanged in his shop, or just sold entirely.

Just Look at My OPness: You ask to purchase just the silver bullets. Your offer is accepted, and you first exchange your lead shot for an
unimpressive 3gc before buying the silver shot for 12gc, paying 9gc in the end. The shop warns you that if you're out hunting a beast
resistant to silver, many have tried and subsequently failed. Aim well and shoot well and the bullets will do the rest.
Xmo5 (03/08/2018 10:02am):
I shrug, happy to have earned 4gc, and walk northwest, looking for legitimate uses for my
flower-scented pitchfork, which I equip. I also feed Axe a 3rd frog egg because, what can
I say, I'm fond of the little guy.
Dreadnought (03/08/2018 12:22pm):
I add my 5 gc to the bundle and purchase the steel towershield, potion of slipperiness, spyglass and try to
barter the bundle for one more gc so I can pick up the pewter mug as well. Regardless of the outcome,
Afterwards I head into the streets to see if I can figure out anything about this city.
Just Look at My OPness (03/08/2018 12:53pm):
I load my flintlock with a silver bullet and head towards the nearest
manhole cover.
Jackie Milton (03/08/2018 06:49pm):
"Yes. I think I saw him with a vision corrector and a mouth mask. Say, has there been anything noteworthy
around here lately, and where does one usually go when one wants to 'stir up trouble'?"

Bamboozle (03/14/2018 05:19am):
Xmo5: You continue northwest, all the while equipping your pitchfork that always smells like flowers. You also prepare a meal of a
frog egg for your new companion, who consumes it with gusto, while looking for any interesting opportunities. Exiting the market and
heading back out onto the slums, you're suddenly accosted by two short figures dressed in dark gear holding daggers. Robbers,
maybe? Your question is answered when they point threateningly at your scaly blue companion.
"Hand it over. Now." They don't seem interested in any of your other possessions, and your friend curls up in fright and enters your
shirt again. The two figures look like stereotypical rogueish thieves, complete with all the edgy accessories, and they're still waiting for
a reply with drawn blades.

Jackie Milton: You step to the side and load up your firearm with your brand new silver ammunition. Afterwards, peering to the side-
streets, you see a manhole cover in the distance. You step up to it, ignoring the glances from all the passersby. It's solid metal,
engraved with some funky characters you don't quite understand, and has a small hole in it. Maybe you could open it yourself,
although maybe it would be best to get some help. You peer through the hole. It certainly looks dark down there, and it smells the
way it looks.

Dreadnought: You use your silver tongue to negotiate a deal. After a long period of haggling, you end up paying 5gc, walking away
with a steel towershield, potion of slipperyness, spyglass and pewter mug. Exiting the shop, you head back out onto the streets,
looking for an information booth or at least something to help inform you of what this place is. You pass by a cartographer's shop and
look through the window. Many of the maps seem to be of the city, some old, some new, some intelligible and some not. The
shopkeeper, a grizzled old man, bids you in. He explains that you're in the slums, a rather dangerous, but not the most dangerous,
part of the city. To the north is the more historic and developed inner city, and to the south are the outskirts. For a visitor, don't get in
trouble with the law or the gangs or the temple and you'll do fine. He is suddenly cut off as (speak of the devil) a small posse of gang
members of some sort barge in through the door and demand protection money. They look like normal street rats of this area,
dressed in grey, scraggly and carrying pretty shitty-looking weapons, but there are three of them. The shopkeeper looks at you; it
seems his actions will depend on how you react to the situation.

Just Look at My OPness: The official jots down your response, nodding all the while. At the end of it you ask if there's anything
noteworthy going on here, and where to go to find trouble. She expresses bemusement at your status as a tourist, surprised that
you're still alive in these slums. The slums, both east and west, are chaotic, she explains, and although they have their differences,
they are united in how much criminal activity goes through them. For example, the gang of these slums, Edboy's gang, are fighting
turf wars against the gang from the other slums, Jimboy's gang. Sometimes it resembles all-out war; other times it's cool, limited only
to a few murders a day. But she warns you to stay away from them, and from all the sources of trouble around here, such as the pubs
and drug dens and fighting pits and... wait, she's inadvertently telling you where to go. She says the law enforcement here is
stretched so thin the gangs are often the ones doing the policing, although murder, theft and banditry run rampant here. If you ever
want to help the civic forces of this city, she says, stop by the guard post to the southeast, or the local imperial castle to the east,
although they mostly tend to keep to their secretive selves.
Xmo5 (03/14/2018 09:16am):
"*Scoff* You think those little daggers scare me? You've got, what, like a whole 9" worth
of reach there?"

[Cue Axe hiding in my shirt]

"Alright, well now you've gone and made me mad. *Cracks neck* I've got places to be, but
if you insist, I'll take some time to stop and smell the roses for a bit. You may think I
look like a pansy, but it'll be you who's pushing up daisies! EAT FLOWERS!"

Following my floral tirade, I let out a terrifyingly primal scream, hurl my lit torch at
the robber on the left, and immediately follow up with a direct assault with my
wonderfully scented pitchfork, being sure to keep both at a distance with my significant
reach advantage. I hold nothing back, unleashing a frenzied volley of thrusts, parries,
and wallops.

Should I emerge victorious, I leave them alive, loot them of all useful items, and say
"Spread the word, this is what happens with you mess with me... and my Axe."

Dreadnought (03/19/2018 12:53pm):
(Sorry I haven't had the chance to do this, school has been hectic, Also these things should probably
disappear from my inventory since they were presumably sold: 20 steel throwing knives, 10 packs of
dried fish, the pair of glasses, the fancy looking exotic dagger handle, and the reinforced wooden kite

I subvert the question and say to the gang members: "Ah protection money of course, That will cost
you 30gc, now then who do you need to be protected from?"
Jackie Milton (03/26/2018 11:14pm):
I peer down the manhole and cringe at the wafting scent of dark. Before I descend, I look for a lamp to
nab. For some reason my head is throbbing.
Just Look at My OPness (03/26/2018 11:19pm):
I thank her and head southeast to see if the guardpost has anything
they need taken care of, while trying to shake off the dizziness I
suddenly feel.
PWNHAMMER247 (04/11/2018 07:19pm | Edited: 04/14/2018 03:15pm):
Can I join? . (If I can’t join then ignore this comment lol (at
least I tried) ). EDIT: Just throw in an adventure hook like dnd style
PWNHAMMER247 (04/11/2018 07:19pm):
Am teal galaxy infantry sorry for double comment
Dreadnought (04/12/2018 02:41pm):
Also worth noting was Jackie Milton and Just Look at My OPness switching places intentional? I mean
they just ran with it in their responses but I was wondering if I missed something
Xmo5 (04/16/2018 10:21am):
I definitely miss this, if that's what you're asking.
Xmo5 (04/24/2018 04:50pm | Edited: 04/24/2018 04:51pm):
A quest is a quest, no matter how long
It keeps you attentive, nimble, and strong
In many a quest you rely on your peers
Can you count on them sticking around through the years?
A quest is a quest 'til your friends are all gone

Dreadnought (04/24/2018 08:05pm):
Yeah this always seems to last about a month or so at a time, I would presume Bamboozle is busy with
finals but you would probably know better than I, anyways, at least the site seems to be doing well
compared to a couple years ago, but I'm still sad we don't see Nyv or BountyFrog anymore.
Jackie Milton (04/24/2018 11:16pm):
A Nyv is a Nyv, no matter how 'velion
She can't be replaced, of this I'm tellin' y'un.
Whether through comments or text adventure,
Hilarious witties are corked by such censure!
We can only hope she's reached her aphelion.
Bamboozle (06/03/2018 05:46am):
Ahem, sorry fellas, went a lil over on my lunch break, here we go.

Xmo5: You attempt to go off on a tangent about your combat superiority, but the rogues have other plans, and
quickly jab out at you. You barely pull back in the nick of time and hurl your burning torch at one robber while
sidestepping the attack of another. Somehow his entire emo-cyberpunk getup bursts into flames and he begins
shaking about, trying to douse the blaze. You follow this up with a very well-timed thrust to the other guy with
your pitchfork, straight into the chest. He's pretty much dead as you retract your flowery polearm. The scent of
flowers mingles with that of blood and burning human flesh, a weird combo, but at least you survived intact.
The burning guy runs off into the alleys, leaving his dead companion for you to loot.
You take:
- a black linen jacket
- a pair of black linen pants
- a steel dagger
- a bloody note
You give a cheesy one-liner before continuing on your way. You pass through rows and rows of slum-town, the
districts bustling with activities. You find yourself in the middle of yet another busy street. You feel like that note
would probably explain the random attack.

Dreadnought: You hit 'em with the reversal and they stand confused, wondering what you mean. Then they get
it, and are rather offended at your cheek in regards to the situation going on right now, proceeding to draw a
motley arrangement of weapons to beat you up with. One of them has a baseball bat thingy covered in barbed
wire, one of them has a rusty shortsword that looks ready to fall apart, and another has a pair of nunchaku that
is literally just two tree branches tied together with a string. They begin to advance on you, slowly enough to the
point where you can probably make the first move.

Just Look at My OPness: You look around for some sort of light to take with you. You decide to just jack a
lantern from a nearby stall, staring down the owner, and return to the manhole. You decide that you have a
headache. Matter of fact, you will this headache so strongly upon yourself that it actually happens. Your skull is
flooded with so much pain that you essentially fall into the manhole, falling face first onto the cold surface of
the sewers that is covered in grime and mold and also probably shit. The lantern is still good, though. You
follow a trail of gargantuan footprints deeper into the sewers. You come across a fork: the passage goes on
unhindered in one direction, and the other direction is blocked by a door with a sign that reads "Please Knock".
You ponder what route to take.

Jackie Milton: You utter a word of thanks to the official and start heading southeast to offer your services to the
guard tower. It's a stately-looking tower that seems like a beacon of authority in an otherwise lawless place. You
rap the door with your knuckles and a dude comes out. You explain you're looking for work. He eyes you up,
down and sideways before retreating inside and returning with a bounty notice.
"Prove yourself and bring these heads back to me," he says, "and maybe we'll think about giving you the big
jobs." He then shuts the door on you.
You read the bounty notice. Three people are mentioned:
1. Boney Martoni, local drug runner and serial cannibal, wanted for deep-frying the old guard captain alive. He
may be identified by the bright lime green outfit he has as well as his fedora and copious use of the word
2. Young Chad, notorious mugger and loiterer, wanted for sneezing without covering his mouth. He is, according
to this document, "jacked", and easily identifiable by his muscles. He also has no nose, apparently.
3. Old Miss Duffle, a kindly old lady who has taken to bouts of violent murder to help with her boredom. She has
a wheelchair, a pair of glasses and a pump-action shotgun that is disguised as a baguette. Be careful of any
offers of bread, the notice warns.
All of these bounties are located somewhere in these slums. Maybe asking around can get you started on their

PWNHAMMER247: You wake up in a bed in an inn. This would usually be a normal, mundane start for a new
player, except that there is a 6'8 elf man with pitch black eyes standing over you.
"Give me your pants," he says in such a low, deep voice that it sounds more like a bass boom than a voice. You
look to the side. Your clothes are neatly arranged where you left them, your pants visible. You could give the
uncomfortably tall stranger your pants and hope he fucks off. Maybe he won't. You wonder what to do while still
in bed with a trespassing weirdo looking at you.
Xmo5 (06/04/2018 09:52am):
I duck behind a building, change into the new black pants, don the black jacket over my
otherwise bare chest, and read the bloody note.
Dreadnought (06/04/2018 10:02pm):
I audibly sigh and mumble something about these three being a bother to take care of and apathetically tell
them to stand down, while I'm saying this I throw a throwing knife at the one with the shoddy nunchucks then I
brandish my sword in my right hand and pewter mug in my left and begin an assault on the other two.
Bamboozle (06/09/2018 08:13pm):
Xmo5: You discretely equip a black linen jacket and a pair of black linen
pants. You unfold the bloody note and begin to read it.
"Target is a small blue creature travelling with a foreigner. Exercise caution;
the man is armed and dangerous. Once you have the target, meet us at the
Red Temple to begin the ritual."
You refold the note and tuck it away. Perhaps this Red Temple holds more
answers. Axe crawls around over your bare chest, reminding you that he
must be wanted by someone to complete this ritual.
You're still in the slums, in the thick of them, and wonder what to do next.

Dreadnought: You distract your advancing opponents before whipping out a
throwing knife and violently impaling it into the skull of the nunchaku-
wielding guy. With a sword in one hand and a mug in the other, you counter-
advance and smash the mug into another guy's head before following up
with a sword strike. Narrowly avoiding a barbed baseball to the ass, you then
stab the last guy in the gut and kick him into a stall of goods that falls on top
of hin, and he's buried underneath a layer of potted plants and miscellaneous
The cartogropher gets out from behind the desk where he was hiding to see
his shop look like a scene from a slasher film. Blood pools all over the
ground, over the walls as well, staining some of his prized maps. He puts on
a fake smile that covers an expression of overwhelming fear before thanking
you profusely. He offers you a guide-map to the city as a reward for your
heroic service, flinching as he hands it out to you. You could ask for more;
he's hardly going to say no after what you just did.
Jackie Milton (06/09/2018 11:06pm):
Excited for my new bout of employment, I ogle the bounty notice. Knowing just what to do I draw my
longsword and shout, "There are just no good men left!". Then I find a container to hide in.
Just Look at My OPness (06/09/2018 11:08pm):
I sprint at the door and throw all of my weight into it.
Just Look at My OPness (06/09/2018 11:08pm | Edited: 06/09/2018 11:09pm):

Dreadnought (06/10/2018 12:59am):
I sheathe my sword and unequip my mug and apologize to the shop keeper for making a mess and
graciously thank him for the map, I retrieve my throwing knife and examine (loot) the bodies to see if there
is anything I can figure out about them and their organization. Finally I offer to assist the shop keeper in
cleaning up and politely ask him if he knows anything about these thugs and why they are causing trouble
and if there is anything I can do to repay him for the damages.
Xmo5 (06/11/2018 09:13am):
I whisper to Axe "Keep yourself out of sight. Looks like things could get rough..."

I then confidently swagger forth toward Temple Row to see what I can learn about these
(alleged) Axe murderers, taking advantage of my new attire to impersonate a member of
whatever gang this is that's out to get me.

"... That's right, buddy, we're going undercover!"
Bamboozle (06/20/2018 04:42am):
Jackie Milton: You successfully pull an act to bring Boney Martoni to you. It takes a while, but while you're
peering from behind a pile of conveniently-placed wooden crates, he comes rushing to the scene. He is as the
bounty described him to be, and smells even worse. He looks around frantically, his lime green suiting rustling,
fedora whipping, katana jingling. Now is likely the most opportune time to strike.

Just Look at My OPness: You decide to run straight into the door. You succeed and the door snaps open; you
stumble and break your fall upon the floor, then look upwards.
You're in the doorframe of a small apartment-style living room. A TV is buzzing in the corner, next to a table with
an instant dinner and several empty cans of beer. A dingy-looking couch is near the wall. Sitting on this couch is
a massive, hulking creature that looks ripped straight from a demonic realm, shaggy fur and curved horns
glistening. It looks to be what you're hunting for.
It sees you and visibly recoils from the light. "Didn't you see the sign?" it grumbles in an incredibly low voice.
"Wait -- you must be from the surface. Did they finally send you to kill me? Look, we've both got better things to
do." It turns to stare at a rerun of Jeopardy buzzing on the TV screen, then looks back to you. "Here, you can
have my head. I can grow another one. That's what they want, right? You get your reward, and I don't have to rip
you apart and devour your remains."
You're faced with a decision; let this thing live and pocket the reward, or actually kill it and risk a fight. One
seems to be safer than the other, but it doesn't quite feel the same...

Dreadnought: You take a quick post-killing breather and retrieve your items. You attempt to loot the bodies,
although there isn't too much on them (and by that the narrator means, practically nothing of importance). It
seems they were local thugs trying a quick robbery and picked the wrong store. You ask the shopkeeper for
more info. Apparently the grey uniforms means they belong to the local slum gang, headed by someone named
Edboy. You offer to help clean up, but the shopkeep says you've done enough for him. He says that if you really
want to go on the offensive against them, you could try to pick off their leaders, but he isn't sure of anything
more than that. Maybe asking around the shadier parts and folks could lead you to them.

Xmo5: You head off towards Temple Row. You figure the important temples would be there, after all. After
taking some local directions and advice, you learn a few things about the Red Temple. Firstly, it's located in the
south of Temple Row, easily visible due to its red sandstone construction. Apparently it is an exclusive temple,
and entry is only permitted to those who can pass "the test", whatever that is. It is stooped in darkness and
mystery and all sorts of edgy adjectives that usually describe shady religious organizations, and gaining
entrance may be hard. Good thing you have a disguise... right?
You approach Temple Row and see a megalithic structure of reddish stone not too far away. Approaching, you
see the double-door entrance is guarded by two masked figures in red priestly armor with halberds. They look
particularly dangerous; maybe it would be best to think of what to say or do first.
Xmo5 (06/20/2018 08:51am):
Keeping cool, calm, and collected, I walk up to the guards and, determined to make it work
this time, I casually and charismatically ask:

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
Dreadnought (06/21/2018 11:32pm):
I head back out to the street and look for some ways to make some gc.
Just Look at My OPness (06/22/2018 07:56am):
"Okay, it's a deal."

I agree to take its head. I plan on firing my flintlock into its torso
afterwards before it grows another one.
Jackie Milton (07/03/2018 01:36am):
Peering through these wooden slats, I know I can win this fight. No weapons, only words. Still crouching,
"The world does not owe you affection! That you must earn!" I stand to walk toward him. "You think you're
the nice guy, the only one who cares, but if you would only step back, you would see the all pain you
cause in the bodies you've left in your wake. You eat these people alive even before their flesh touches
your lips. It would only take a look in the mirror to see the blood running down your chin for you to realize
it is *you* who are the problem, and not the world."
Dreadnought (07/31/2018 04:56am):
Okay can someone explain to me why Russian torrents are currently pasted in the comments of this map?
Dreadnought (07/31/2018 05:01am):
This user also has no data for anything besides the fact the account exists so the fact this map (which has
to be buried by this point) has them seems peculiar. I wonder if any other maps have been affected
Dreadnought (07/31/2018 05:12am):
So further checking reveals that none of the other toy-box maps have been affected so I honestly have no
idea why this map has them.
Xmo5 (07/31/2018 11:57am):
Jackie Milton (08/02/2018 11:23am):
Wha-?? huh?
Jackie Milton (08/10/2018 06:47pm):
How the hell? Why the hell? Whomst'd've're the hell?

Dreadnought (08/10/2018 11:47pm):
Yeah really those are good questions also it would seem these accounts are being created just to post
these as they have no games or maps or anything
Xmo5 (08/16/2018 01:19pm):
I haven't seen them on any other maps though. Maybe they're specifically targeting this
map... maybe they're more than just trolls.. what if they're ... Trolls! Our characters
are under attack by Russian (Text)Wall Trolls! Quick, someone bust out your Wingardium
Leviosa, or does that only work on Mountain Trolls?

Okay, fine, since nobody else is jumping at it... I whip out my gnarled old wand and
wingardium a leviosa at the trolls, hoping they have clubs I can conveniently drop on
their heads. It's hard to tell since I can't see them and they aren't particularly
walkerboh01 (08/20/2018 04:24am):
I cleaned up the comments.
Bamboozle (08/28/2018 08:12am):
Sorry for the delay fellas, and thanks walker for cleaning up whatever in god's name that was.

Jackie Milton: You emerge from the shadows and launch a moral tirade against Boney Martoni's stunned form. The
weight of your words seems to have an adverse effect on him; he visibly shakes and cowers. Despite your talking points,
however, he doesn't seemed bummed enough to forsake violence. He rips out his blade from its sheath, which he had
mastered while you were off doing other, normal human things, and points it at your chest in a strange manner as if he
was trying to reenact a scene from a shitty anime. An empty Doritos bag falls out of his suit pocket and tumbles away in
the breeze. He opens his gaping, poorly-shaven maw and begins screaming something about how gamers are
oppressed before slowly advancing on you. Looks like you'll have to get physical.

Just Look at My OPness: You agree to take the creature's head. You don't inform the creature of your other set of plans.
"Wonderful," he rasps, before taking a claw to his neck and cleanly decapitating himself in one cleave. As expected, the
scene becomes messy. Blood practically jets from the creature's neck as it holds its head outwards to give to you,
talking all the while. "Hopefully they leave me alone for the next few decades. I need a nap after this."
You grab the creature's dismembered head. With your other hand, you quickly grab your firearm and shoot a round into
its scaly belly before it has a chance to react. The bullet shreds through its innards and clangs into the wall.
"Ouch!" the head reacts, its face contorting into a pained expression as if it had just stubbed its toe. "Was that really
necessary?" Blood pours from the open wound, but the stump-neck appears to be growing, as if regenerating. Whatever
the hell this thing is may require more firepower than a single bullet to take down. As it stands right now, it appears to be
immobilized by its regeneration process, which might take an unknown amount of time. You could make off with the
head before it has a chance to react, or finish him off using more effective techniques.

Dreadnought: You head back into the bustling streets and start searching for ways to make some coin. After a while
researching what's in demand, you come to the following conclusions:
- taverns and inns usually have a job list posted for anyone to take up. One such tavern near you has jobs for 1) picking
flowers from a rare, off-limits garden, that will pay 50gc, 2) temporarily covering for a clerk at a magic shoe store and
interacting with customers that will pay 45gc, and 3) literal murder in broad daylight that will pay 90gc.
- you witness a few muggings and, judging from the details, that and similar criminal activities may pay well depending
on the target.
- delivery jobs are always in demand in the city for those who want alternatives to the local post, and are similarly listed
at notice boards. One such job involves transporting a small elephant to the Temple District for sacrificial rites.

Xmo5: You stoically present yourself to the guards before asking them about the topic of "Darth Plagueis the Wise".
They turn to look at each other before turning back to look at you, and you imagine puzzled reactions underneath their
helmets. One of them clears his throat before cordially saying "⋏⍜, ⌿⌰⟒⏃⌇⟒ ⏁⟒⌰⌰ ⎍⌇ ⋔⍜⍀⟒, ⋔⊬ ☌⍜⍜⎅ ⋔⏃⋏."
This causes you to be thrown off. It appears the guards don't appear to speak your language; in a city as diverse as this,
it makes sense, but it provides an impediment to your situation. You wonder how to move forward.
Xmo5 (10/04/2018 09:55am):
Holy text adventure, Batman! I'm late!

I pause momentarily as I go into full panic mode internally. While I casually turn my back
and pretend to be carefully considering their request (?), I secretly take out a D20 and
conveniently roll high for deception. Turning back around, with a look of mild excitement
and exhaustion, I say:

⌇⎍⍀⟒. ⎅⍜ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌿⍜⌇⌇⟒⌇⌇ ⌇⟒⏃⏁⌇? ⋔⊬ ⌰⟒☌⌇ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⍜⍀⟒.

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